I started my Friday with two writing projects...one with an academic in another state and then with an undergraduate who I have been mentoring. Both inquired at one point at, "How did you get so fast at this writing thing? You just spit it out with your fingers."
My fingers don't spit. I simply quit piano young, but always found a rhythm between my brain and a keyboard piano. I can type fast and think even faster. Writing by hand was always too slow for me. Typing keeps up with the speed in which my mind works.
Anyway, in both cases, I found myself mentoring and talking about writing processes as well as research connections and realized, "Oh, this is what Kelly Chandler Olcott modeled with me." It's very Vygotskian. Hold the carrot out just enough to keep me moving forward, but not too much to scare me away from the overwhelming nature of writing for research publication. Plan backwards. Have an idea. Chisel here and there when you can. Most importantly, find a shared writing schedule if you're working with others. This is how the Initiative of Literacy in a Digital Age leadership team has operated, too. We section off, go at it, write, and polish one another's work. I'm fascinated at how quickly it comes together (and I'm intimidated, probably in the same way yesterday's writing partners were). I simply wanted to kick things in gear so we can meet the deadlines. This, of course, requires shared time to talk, think, challenge, and move forward. It's easier when you believe in the content/purpose of what and why you're writing.
This all brought me back to this idea of a torch and handing it off. I entered a teaching profession knowing that society pretty much crapped on educators, but I was in love with (still am) the wonderful relationships with students -- the real learning...the real mentoring...the honest sharing and encouragement that the payoffs supersede the lack of respect and pay. I am realizing, however, that the next generation needs to learn this, as well, in the ways that others took me under their arms.
My colleague Dr. Michelle Farrell and I have been meeting around the 'now what' question, after both of us were promoted to Full this semester. Seriously, now what? I'm already finding that the first step is sharing and mentoring and guiding and discussing and challenging and pushing a new generation of educational researchers. It all goes by fast and the turn from mentee to mentor happens really quick.
And you get old in the process.
So much of enduring requires putting up with the @#$@#. It gets harder each and every year, especially in a field where many operate from insecurities. Politics are gross. Always have been and always will be (I share this with Chitunga...hard work is the answer...keep grinding). Ah, but continuing the hard work when all around you see juggling clowns and carnival barkers, and you begin to wonder, "Now, why am I doing this?"
It always comes back to the students. The respect for students and recognizing who would be doing this if you were to be replaced. Perhaps that's where my narcissism comes in. When students at the Brown used to say to me, "I don't know why you don't leave." I used to say, "I'd be sad for you all." I read a meme that said, "I don't leave because of frustrations. I leave when I learn the lesson I needed."
I'm not leaving, but I am transitioning to more torch work...lighting the flame for those who are coming next. I've only done 14 years as a professor, another 4 in PhD work (while working in schools), 10 years teaching, and two years doing environmental education. It zips by quickly and I feel the need to lighten up the intensity of 14-hour days 7 days a week, 364 days a year.
So, the torch metaphor works for now. I'm looking to those who are already carrying possibilities, and sharing the fire there.
Hello, February. I didn't see that coming because January was like torturous slow motion.
